"I will launch the nuclear weapons!"
"But, sir, our aim is not very exact."
"Only because all your trajectory math is very confusing for me to figure out on my portable abacus. Point them horizontally."
"Sir, the missiles might land in our territory."
"Do as I say!"
"Yes, sir. And sir..."
"What is it, imbecile?"
"You have an emissary from the most-hated enemy."
"Send him in. I will listen to what the pig-dogs have to say and then I will kill him."
"Sir, here he is. The Right Honourable Assistant Associate Staff Administrator For The Negotiation Of Forcefully Invading Peacekeepers."
"Your Almighty Highness, I am humbled that you allowed me in your presence."
"You are a pig-dog. Be glad that I do not have you drawn and quartered in front of me for my mild amusement."
"Yes, Your Majesty."
"What is it that you wish? My court would like to hear you beg, if you don't mind."
"Please, please, please, Anointed One. Let us have our life for one brief moment more."
"Much better. Now, get up off your stinking knees and look me in the eye like a real man."
"As you command."
"Indeed. Proceed."
"Grand and Glorious Greatness, the combined forces of the Southern Kingdom and the Imperialists Across The Sea have amassed forces along your borders and blockaded your sea ports."
"So I have been told. They will be rubble in just a few minutes. What else is your problem?"
"The Master of His Own Destiny, these warring kingdom peaceful fighting forces are here to provide humanitarian aid to your people."
"My people need no aid. I, their god, provide them all they want. As ants to the queen, so my people depend on me to decide how they shall live and die. Lately, I have been bored and wished to see many of them struggle with basic nourishment. It is a scientific experiment that the rest of the weak, narrow-minded leaders around the world are too puny to carry out."
"The rest of the world does not see it that way."
"And that is why I am launching a few of my short-range missiles to prove that they are useless to stop the power of the One Who Knows What's Right For His People!!! Ahahaha! Watch me press the red button!!!! Victory is mine, at last!!!"
"Sir, the missiles are headed in the wrong direction. They are landing in the Middle Kingdom."
"The ineptitude of my servants. Who turned my abacus around backwards. Off with your head!"
"Sir?"
"You are right. First, off with the head of that pig-dog and then cut your own head off as evidence that I am a merciful leader who punishes those who commit cold-blooded murder of innocent messengers."
"As you command, sir."
"'Humanitarian mission'! Who do they think they are? They blame me for their worthless seamanship, sinking their own vessel through shoddy ship procedures and now they think they can just walk across my borders to feed those I intentionally starve? If I want tens of millions to die, they will die for the glory of serving the only true living god left on this planet."
"Sir!"
"What are you still doing here?"
"Sir, I am about to cut off my head but I wanted to let you know there is a missile headed straight toward us."
"Is it ours or theirs?"
"I do not know, Sir."
"Then I shall kill you myself!"
"But, Sir, the missile."
"You are worthless chattel. Do you not know that gods do not die? I will press this button and use the antimissile system we built with plans stolen from those Western pig-dogs and disprove their claim that openness and honesty is the one true way. Watch them wallow in fear at my invulnerability!!!!"
- Tune in next week when we reconstruct our Leader from DNA not tainted by nuclear radiation...
- Observe our investigators piecing together why the stolen missile shield system plans were designed so as not to take out their own missiles...
- Notice how our people are unhappy that the so-called liberators are taking away our people's honourable death by starving - to die according to their god's desire is the greatest gift one can give to one's family.
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