Below is a rushed translation of an excerpt of a secret interview with the Iranian [defector/prisoner] scientist:
"...and what else can you tell us?"
"We put nuclear-powered satellites on top of our nuclear warhead-capability ICBMs."
"Please have more caviar and champagne. There's more, if you want it."
"Thank you. You are too kind." [Eating sounds.]
"You're welcome. So, this new claim is interesting but can you provide concrete evidence of it?"
"Yes. Under my tongue is a USB interface that will provide access to all the data I carry on my person."
[Scraping sound of metal chairs on abandoned factory floor. Clicking sound of a handheld computer clamshell opening up.]
"What do you think, Agent --?"
"Could be true."
[Metal scraping of chair.]
"So, 'Professor,' how did you get this data?"
"It is as I said. Our leaders wanted better understanding of your NFL style football, so we launch spy satellites to hang over NFL training facilities and secretly record their private play practice. As you will see, we call this 'Project NE Patriots,' in honour of one your most famous spies. I have many sessions I can show you. Here, let me plug in my tongue."
"Wait, wait! That's the power outlet!"
[Zapping sound. Scuffling. Untranslatable moans.]
"Agent --, call the doctor!"
"You know they'll accuse us of torture."
"They always do. Cut the power, will you? We might be able to get data off his tongue before the medics arrive."
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