Yes, my young friends, this is a lesson in the gaseous intensive-care gastrointestinal tract.
But first, a message from our executive producers...
Are you on the road to runes? Are you taking a walk with a school group through yet another boring historic site?Now, back to the blog entry where your new adventure in medical terminology opens up before your eyes.
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Then join the Avid Adventurers, young people who scour the Earth (not to be confused with the Acid Adventurers, disillusioned people who scorch the Earth).
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If this interests you, please send an SASE to Avid Adverts, Snail Mail Lane, Snookered Province 34T56-2W5
Okay, you've hoisted your bottle, swigged a gulp or two of sweetened carbonated syrup and now you're listening to the gurgling sound as your esophagus acts like a muscular silkworm and crawls up the inside of your neck while sitting in place, pushing the liquid down to your gullet.
Golly, Miss Molly, is that a gullet with your mullet?
But we can stomach that one and keep on keeping on.
Next on our tour of your swallow, let's ask the group a question:
Which one impresses your friends the most, a good ol' big belch or a monstrous passing of silent wind?
The silent but deadly trick wins this round, eh? Smeller's the feller!
Then on we go.
And here we arrive at the back gate, the stomach exit known as the, get this, the pyloric sphincter. Say that ten times without laughing or getting slapped by your friends who'll think you're insulting them.
But that's not all! Out of the sphincter and into the retroperitoneal area known as [HINT: look at the title] the duodenum.
What's the duodenum? It's the part between the pyloric sphincter and the jejunum.
Perfectly logical, right? Of course, and from that it makes more sense that it breaks down the food you eat (but does it really need to break down that liquidy goo you drank earlier? Sure, why not!).
And then what happens next?
Oh, you're smarter than you look. It's time for another advert, brought to you by the makers of the SuperFastRacerPony, which climbs steep mountains, shoot missiles and changes colours in water while making cute cooing and neighing sounds.
Hey, guys, guess what! It's time for summer! That's right, get out your pool floats and forget to put on the sticky fly ointment we've relabeled and now call UltraBugBanishment!But what if you had a problem with your duodenum? What would you do?
Feel those mosquito bites? Got ticks and fleas crawling over you? Then why don't you go back inside and salve on some of that smooth UltraBugBanishment?
Good for 16 hours, UltraBugBanishment attracts biting insects which get caught in the microfibrous nanosized traps in the protective layer on your skin and die from the scientifically formulated patented patent fumes called InsectDLifeZapper that are activated by your body's heat.
Before you know it, your arms, legs and necks are walking insect collections, which you can show off to your friends. Compete with your schoolmates on how many you can catch! Amaze your parents when they're having special guests over for dinner!
This offer is limited to the next 1000 callers. Not sold in stores. Not approved by the FDA, FIFA, FTC, CIA, SAT, RIAA, CBC, DEA or WTO.
Why, if I were you, I'd strongly recommend those highly-trained professionals who plumb the dark depths of your bowels in search of what you don't want them to find. Who is that, I said?
GASTROENTEROLOGISTS, THAT'S WHO!
Gaston entrée aux les gestes?
No, my French poseurs, they are medical doctors who specialize in the big tube all wrapped up in your tummy called the gastrointestinal (or GI) tract.
With modern techniques described by words like endoscopy and colonoscopy, the GI medical specialists look inside that tube and see what's going on.
Ask Dr. Pendley, if you want to know more. I did, and, boys and girls, am I glad I'm glad I did? You better believe the katydid's glad I did! Found out my lifemate's guts are just as tough, tender and tenacious as she is. Blood work affirmed and approved by Dr. Carter (and not a drop to spare! Right, Sherry?).
A special mention to Richarda, Larissa, Jackqueline, Alexis, Jana 2W (and Jana 3W, too!), Charlene, Glen, Ziria and Mrs. Qualls. Who else have I missed? [Being the supporting cast member is more tiring than it looks.]
Staycations have a funny way of making gestures all their own - road detour signs turned 180 degrees, for instance. So when your parents tell you you're almost there, they may be right. Or they may take a wrong left turn. Either way, be cool and enjoy the ride - you've got more time to text your friends while someone else drives. There'll be plenty of time when you get older to cause car smashups with your head stuck to a mobile phone screen.
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