BhII

My thoughts are incomplete this morning - phrases, half-images, long-forgotten and oft-remembered moments...

The culmination of one living.

I have experienced very little of every type of living available to one person.

But I chose most of the types I experienced (and I guess I chose all my experiences if inaction is a type of decisionmaking).

I have lived every moment as if it's my last, not expecting/assuming another moment ahead for me.

I pulled a tick off my belly after I showered this morning - this one very much alive and full of blood from an overnight feast - a consequence of a moment of my living in the woods.  The tick's last moment was being pulled away from my skin and flushed into the septic system.

How much of any moment of my life should I spend thinking about the last moments of other living beings?

In the suburban environment in which I've mainly lived, we spend many moments contemplating and planning the last moments of others - creating labels like weeds, pests and enemies - before we create living beings' last moments.

In letting my thoughts drift after noon today, with no specific plans toward last or future moments for myself/others, I wonder about the labels we readily adopt, the social symbols we pass from one to another, asking myself if there's a place in life I can go where mass/mob behaviour is unnecessary, neither encouraged nor discouraged, treating every moment as if it's my last one.

I no longer care about joining others in controlling my environment to ensure a future for myself.  I have no children.  I effectively completed my performance in roles for which others exchanged labor credits with me.

As a person, as an individual specimen of my species, as a temporary confluence of interacting chemicals, my life has been sufficient.

I ask for nothing more from myself.  I have nothing more to give to you - anything I could say here, you can find somewhere else, written more succinctly and/or eloquently.

Essentially, I am done with living and ready to give my chemicals back to the environment from which they came.  At the same time, I can go on living - either way, it no longer matters.  I have reached my last/everlasting moment - unqualified happiness.

My meditation has taught me it's time to close this HID and wish you a life worth living, too.