Chapter One

While Rick takes a much-needed 'oliday (for our sakes as much as 'is), we 'ave taken over 'is blog.

Rick, see, 'e's this nice bloke, treating all of you like you's some sort of Victorian babies.  But we, we don't give a fuck.

So we ain't gonna be all clean and neat and tidy.  'e points the fingers 'ere on these pages but we is the one's 'oo pulls the triggers.

Let's start with you 'oo is got someone else reading this for ya.

You 'as your reasons for doing what you do but what if we's opposed to what you's doing?

Yeah, that means you there.

You got five minutes to stop what you're doing or 'and us over the shiny stuff.

Five...

Four...

What do you mean I'm counting too fast?  Did I say minutes?  'ell, can't you read what I meant?  I meant seconds.

Two...

One...

Time's up, y'oll.

We is the feetakers, the tax collectors, the say-it-ain't-a-bribe pickeruppers.

'and over the goods and we'll leave you alone.  Otherwise, zzzzzip!

Starting today, we's changing the rules for what the rest of us gets the big piece of the pie.  You 'and it over and you keep your fingers.

You over there 'oo 'as 'is 'ands wrapped tightly around that tidy bundle.  Time's up, my boy.

When Rick's away, we take care o' business our way, not 'is.  He ain't gotta know 'ow we took it.

You open your mouf about this and you ain't gonna need that tongue of yours no more, y' 'ear?

Okay, gang, the drug cartels sout' of the border's next on our agenda.  They ain't been ponying up the goods what's been creating them safe neigbour'oods like them other countries 'ave been doing with their regular fees, taxes, bribes and kickbacks.

You know the rules - everyone in line or it's off with their 'eads.  No more Monsieur Nice Guy.  Comprendez?

You think you 'ave us outnumbered?  We's just the scouts.  We're 'ere to shake down or take down the so-called commanders.  The real troops is coming in after us to clean up the dirty work and fill in the empty void what we left behind.

Global negotiators include all kinds, including us.  You 'ave been qualified...what was that?  Oh, wrong word.  I mean you 'ave been warned!